A lot has changed for me over the last month or so. First, I sold all my DSLRs and most of my lenses on eBay. At first it was a little scary, but afterward I feel rather liberated. For so ling they sat unused, yet I held onto them with a litany of “what-ifs.” I came realize though that all those “what-ifs” were just silly excuses, and in the end I am glad to see them gone.
I cancelled all my shoot with other models, and have no interest or plans to photograph anyone for the sake of photographing them. Ultimately, I found it to be a waste of time and money. The shoots themselves were fun, mostly because I got to meet new people, but the product of them, the photos, seem so pointless to me.
I switched from PC to MAC, and migrated all my back-up storage from a local hard drive to a LAN cloud. This has been exasperating, but now that the data has finally been moved and I am becoming more familiar with Apple’s way of doing things, it’s getting easier.
I have, for the most part, stopped shooting film, and returned to my X100T exclusively. I have kept my film cameras and my favourite three lenses (35, 50, 85), and I expect I will shoot some film from time to time for specific projects, but for now I am focused on my X100T.
Another struggle I am coming to terms with, is how obsessive I can get about something. About 18 months ago I started focusing so hard on my photography, I allowed little time for much else. During those 18 months, I have done a lot of damage to myself. I abandoned my running habit, stopped lifting weights, disregarded my healthy eating habits, and indulged into far too much drinking. In addition to having lost the ability to run 15km, or even 5km, I let my waistline balloon as I put on nearly 70lbs in 18 months. I also realized I was spending as much as $500 a month on beer.
Looking back, the three years I spent being “fit” was unsustainable; running six days a week and weight training five days a week, counting calories, intermittent fasting, sticking to a paleo diet, etc… Now I am focused on finding that happy medium, and trying to get back into my old pants. My eating is back on track, I am running 3km a day and 5km on weekends, and I am doing pre-hab training before getting back in the gym.
One scary wake up call was my last trip to Montreal. As I was moving furniture for a shoot, still thinking I was the strong athletic man of my past, I lifted too much and torn a ligament in my arm. It was the most painful and debilitating injury I have ever experienced, and I have been hit by a car twice.
My plan, and what have been doing thus far, is instead of focusing on making photographs, I focus on living my life, and I simply carry a camera with me wherever I go. No more photowalks, no more scheduled shoots, just going out and if I see something I like, I photograph it. This, of course, has led to some wonderfully dull images, most of which are placed into my private (offline) 365 project that I have been logging in Day One.
Of all the changes I have made, the only one I regret is quitting Instagram. Well, maybe regret is a strong word. I think taking the time off really helped me put the focus back on me, but I do miss seeing the work of certain photographers, and keeping up with local businesses. Instagram was my only social media, and when I turned it off, it felt like the whole world went silent. It was nice, as a vacation, but ultimately, I have come to feel like I am completely “out-of-the-loop” on everything. I tried keeping up with everyone via their websites, but so few have a RSS feed, and without that it’s rather time consuming to go and visit every single person’s site looking for updates. So, I think I am going to re-join Instagram, and just change how I use it.
If you’ve made it this far in this post, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. I don’t know why I wrote all of this, and a lot of it seems like an overshare, and a part of me doubts that anyone actually reads these things, but if you are here, like I said, thank you. I avoid making specific plans, but I am working on a new approach for this site, and I expect to make many changes to its content and how (and what) share here in the future.